Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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