do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
