Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
