Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You took a bar mat shot.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
