So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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