can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
