You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
