note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
