dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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