Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize