Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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