Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
