well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
