My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
