Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
