So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
