How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize