Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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