i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I need to calm my uterus...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize