My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
