Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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