Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
