Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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