FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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