there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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