Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
