you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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