ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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