you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
