God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
