I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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