This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
