We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
