that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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