I want to have your abortion
Where is the hickey?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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