We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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