That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have aggressive nipples.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
