i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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