Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
