So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
did i just pee glitter
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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