i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
