it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
