and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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