then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
