I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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