Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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