jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
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