He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
