All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just google imaged poop.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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