Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My ass is underappreciated
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
