It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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