I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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