We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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