Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
