I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
