He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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