today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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