I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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