Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
