I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
