Betty ford says i'm here all night
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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