It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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