These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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