I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize