I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
