your thong is hanging out like whoa
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize