If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
