Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
two words...techno handjob
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
