you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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