i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize