i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
