You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
