i came on her dog
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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