Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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